The victim

A victim may be a spouse, former spouse, a person with whom the perpetrator has had a child, a dating or an engagement relationship, or a house help working in her native or foreign country. Nevertheless, all batterers abuse their victims in order to gain control of them. With their self-confidence ravaged, a victim’s ability to evaluate her situation is greatly inhibited. Some women with an independent income will have fewer problems sustaining herself and her children away from her partner’s reach. But quite often, victims are financially dependent on their spouses and have "nowhere else to go."

Battered women frequently suffer from black eyes, bruises, broken teeth, cracked ribs, broken nose, fractured jaw and, in some cases, miscarriages, causing them to seek medical attention.

There are several forms of physical abuse. They may be physical, sexual, or verbal. In the case of women, they are more affected by the emotional and psychological violence they experience. Statistics show that working women are more prone to this kind, mainly because they spend less time at home, away from an abusive partner.

The batterer

Attending "anger management" or "batterer’s intervention" counseling or being on probation does not guarantee that further abuse will not occur; these only help control the urges of the patient on a case-to-case basis. Psychiatrists agree that most, if not all batterers are people with low self-esteem and extreme emotional dependence on the intimate partner. They were the children who first witnessed violence in the home while growing up, thus forming a vicious cycle, gathering the idea "that women are to be disciplined and that the woman is to be ‘blamed’ for problems in the relationship" from societal or some male religious point of view. In every case, the batterer is responsible for every act of abuse committed.

Moreover, drugs and alcohol abuse can increase abusiveness in the part of the male. Studies show that alcoholic batterers and those who take drugs are more physically abusive compared to those who don’t. Around the world, around 70% of domestic violence are drug and alcohol related. Such substance usage takes away psychological control over the users, which in part, also affects the female partners who take the brunt of the partner’s violent behavior.

Resistance should start with the victim

If your intimate partner has battered you once, it is extremely likely that it will be repeated. Batterers usually apologize and swear to reform but this does not mean that he will not be violent again. Violence may dramatically escalate when your partner becomes desperate at the thought of losing control of you, or when you show signs of independence. Batterers often deliberately keep their partners from people who could help them.

The moment you notice your partner’s abusive behavior, think ahead and start making a safety plan.

• Be aware of support networks, government or non-government organizations that specially help and provide shelter for battered women.
• Enlist your friends, family or co-workers in case you need their help.
• Be alert of any weapons in the house and take all precautionary measures.
• During arguments, stay near the exits. Do not hesitate to leave home and take the children. A friend or relative's house is a safe place to go.
• When an attack has begun, escape. Call the police. You have a right to protection.
• Be sure to take photos of injuries sustained for evidence.

There is life after a traumatic relationship. Positive thoughts and being assertive with others about your needs can help bring back your shattered confidence. People whom you can talk to freely and openly will be able to give you the right support. Attend women's or victims’ support group. They can help you learn more about yourself, domestic violence, and relationships. Finally, establish your independence.

Empowering women to be able to make positive changes in their lives and supporting their healing process is one of the most important keys to helping them and the children break free from the vicious intergenerational cycle of domestic violence.

© 2000