Last week, I found grace. It was right there, alongside homemade brownies and a box of Legos.

September 11th spawned some overwhelming feelings. I was so distracted by them that, for two days, I forgot to buy dog food. The first night, we got creative and concocted some high-protein solution of Grape Nut Flakes and eggs, but we weren’t so sure Clyde’s tummy could handle that two nights in a row, so, Thursday evening, we loaded into the car for a family trip to the feed store. On the way, we passed a hand-written sign announcing a candlelight service at the town hall.

From out of nowhere, the tears came. "I need something," I told my husband, "I don’t know what it is, but I need something." We pulled in. And it was there that I found it. Friends and neighbors I didn’t yet know offering hope, peace, trust, and love with a side of Linda Maxwell’s gooey brownies.

That was when I realized how exhausted I was. Like most of you moms, I make a great rock, but watching planes pierce buildings, the idea of impending war, the responsibility of keeping my girls safe in this new America where something like this could happen--all of these thoughts were grinding away at me.

With my 2-year-old playing safely in the back of the room with someone else’s Legos, I let go. I allowed these people’s light and life and peace to pull me into their place. And I prayed for something I could do. Right there in the town hall, I got my answer.

WHAT CAN WE DO?

We’ve given blood, donated money, and raised our flags. We’ve hugged our kids and made an effort, at least, to return to normal life. But the restless anxiety, the enveloping sadness, and the insidious distractions have returned us to our routines--as comforting as they are-- feeling distant and detached.

This is something most of us have never had to face. We are sad. We are mad. We are scared.

And moms are in a unique position. Our powerful sense of empathy and compassion allows us to envision it all. In our minds, we are in the smoke-filled staircases, on the airplanes, in the rubble. Even if we had no direct personal connection to any of the events, the emotions are raw.

At the same time, we moms strive to embody a supreme sense of security. We stay informed so we can keep our kids safe. And we stay calm so we can keep their psyches safe.

We must comfort our children and give them peace. But first we must find it.

"Within yourself lies the cause of whatever enters your life."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

The energy around here is far from comforting. Everywhere you go, a negative energy buzzes like a fluorescent light bulb, emanating grief, anxiety, fear.

I try to ignore it. I try to take it all in without letting it out, but it finds its own escape. My 2-year-old starts to brush my hair, and I feel like I’m going to jump out of my skin. She has a routine temper tantrum, and I want to come unglued. I’m exhausted by 10 am. Nothing in my world has changed, and yet nothing is the same.

There are a few universal truisms, however. Certain things that never change. And these are the things that I cling to this day. One of these truisms, I believe, is the idea that what we think about and focus on, we get more of.

That means that if we focus on doubt, anger, and fear, we’re more likely to attract those things. Worry brings doubt and distrust. Fear brings demoralization and debilitation.

Fear divides. When we feel peace, we sense a connectedness to all things. When we allow fear to take over, we immediately clamp down and embrace only that which is ours. Our worldview constricts. We exhaust ourselves.

Likewise, when we focus on peace, trust, light, and love, we attract and experience more peace, trust, light, and love. And we send more into the world for others to attract and experience, as well.

I have an experiment for you to do, just for today. If it doesn’t work, you can go back to your regular routine tomorrow.

Today, consciously work to infuse the world with positive energy. You can do that by infusing your world--your microcosm--with positive energy.

Today, take control of your thoughts, one thought at a time. When you are faced with a decision, ask yourself if it will increase the amount of peace and love in the world.

Here’s what that means for me.

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