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The Yin & Yang of It
Contributed by :
Tammy Reilly of
Moonlight
Essence
I have an eating disorder. I've lived with it for the last 15+
years ~ cycling in and out, and I desperately want it to be over. All the reconnecting I
do through meditation, hiking, reading, and writing doesn't seem to facilitate the healing
of this dis-ease ~ I need something more!
I've discovered that in order to heal, I must restore the balance in
my life; however, what is it that's in need of balancing? I repeatedly ask this question,
and read book after book searching for the answer with absolutely no luck. Doesn't anyone
know how I can support this process? YES, that person would be me!
As many people that suffer with an eating disorder, not one of them
shares the same core dilemma. When I reflect on the circumstances of my life, there is
one particular theme that has been an obvious struggle for me ~ a balance of female/male
energy (yin/yang). From the time I was born, I've been surrounded by male energy.
Growing up as a girl, and even having sisters, my female nature was never celebrated or
nurtured, and for 18 years, I was showered with gifts that any boy would want as well as
encouraged to participate in male dominated activities. In addition to these messages, I
was inundated with lessons about how to survive in this male-oriented world. At the age
of 15, I was raped, which I honestly believed was due to my being a girl, and when my
sister passed away a few years later, I felt guilty for not being able to control the
circumstances that took her life. My solution ~ I needed to look more like a man in order
to be "appropriately" received, and as my appearance became more male like (no figure
through starvation), I felt more in control.
Through the years, I've even developed the skills to juggle my eating
disorder. When my health begins to show signs of failing, the nurturing (yin) side of me
kicks in, and I feed myself, but to an unhealthy extreme. Then as I'm faced with life's
little challenges, I revert back to my anorexic controlling (yang) ways ~ this usually
happens when my integrity as a woman is questioned. Living like this, I'm sure, has been
a factor in my failed marriages, and it was following my second marriage that I realized I
needed to discover and honor myself as a woman. My eating disorder has been a horribly
tiresome experience, and with 4 boys and 2 businesses, I have to find a way out of this
circle.
My path to being a woman has been a difficult and challenging one. As
I look into the mirror, I remind myself that it is okay to have curves there ~ for goodness
sake, I've given birth to 4 babies. Every month, I try to celebrate the feminine
physiology ~ trust me, it's not easy. Something that goes beyond my dis-ease is the bad
habits I've developed. When you are constantly ignoring the hunger signs, it becomes a
habit. When you binge because "you just don't care anymore", it becomes a habit. When
you're used to being on the go 24/7 and "beating yourself up" over a mistake, it becomes
a habit, and to get over any habit, it's necessary to find the appropriate support along
with becoming your own best friend.
Knowing my likes and dislikes as well as my desires, I'm the best
person to take care of me. I take each day one at a time, celebrate the beauty of life
that surrounds me, remind myself of the "baby steps" I must take for optimal health, and
honor the spirit within (which includes connecting with other women). I'm not angry about
anything from my past. My family adopted it's own method of coping, which unfortunately
led to my destructive patterns. However, with this awareness, I am able to experience life
with a much healthier perspective. My biggest desire with this writing is that I touch
someone, and am able to facilitate the necessary steps for him or her to begin their
healing process. We all have our own unique experiences, and through the acknowledgment
and discovery of our being, our path to health, wellness, and balance is just a few steps
away.
From my heart to yours,
Tammy
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| Submitted by: Tammy Reilly. Tammy is the owner of
Moonlight
Essence. Tammy is a single work-at-home-mom to 4 boys. She resides in the mountains of
NM, where she and the boys enjoy being outdoors as much as possible. Moonlight Essence
had been a dream for many years, and was finally created in 1996. She works around the
boy's schedules; however they are included in the development of the business both online
as well as off. Tammy's intention is to not only produce natural aromatherapy products,
but to also provide a forum for healing and growth and encourages everyone's participation. Moonlight Essence is dedicated to empowering the heart and soul.
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