Soapbox

During your travels on the Net, have you ever come to a site that uses frames? You know, this little box containing all the links on the site. It never moves, but the interior of the page changes as particular links are selected. It creates the illusion that you are traveling around, but according to your browser, you are at a standstill.

 Have you ever noticed that women are expected to live within a frame, too? We aren't encouraged to be aggressive in business, we are supposed to bear the children, raise the children, run the house, have a casserole on the table at 5:00 pm. The flipside, of course, is bear the children, drop the kids at daycare, put in a full day at the office, pick up the children from daycare, run the house and have a casserole on the table by 5:00 pm. According to this frame too, if we are single, we must want a husband. If we have no children, we must feel unfulfilled. If we have a career, we must choose between it and caring for our children. If we are competitive businesswomen, lesbians or in anyway outspoken in our opinions, we hate men. Is anyone else feeling a little suffocated here?

It seems that no matter what groundwork has been laid, there is still this small little box containing behaviors and values considered "feminine". Anything outside the box may find some acceptance nowadays, but is generally frowned upon. For example, why is wrong for a woman to aggressively market and promote her business/ideas, but the "eyelash batting" approach is condoned in certain circles? Why are dumb blonde women jokes funny, but there is no such thing as a dumb blonde man joke? Why is it that women are seen in reference to men still?

Have you ever wondered what things would be like if women were seen in their own terms? Consider the notion that our lives, aspirations, and goals sometimes have nothing at all to do with men. Maybe the competive business woman just has a head for success. Maybe the at home mom has inner priorities beyond having the whitest whites on the block. Maybe you can work outside the home or from home and raise your children without sacrificing one, given some support. Maybe a woman is a lesbian because she loves women, not because she is reacting to men. Maybe if a woman is outspoken, it is because she is intelligent, vocal and tired of being suffocated in a little box.

So, where to from here? Start in our own minds. Choose to be released from the boundries so ingrained in our society, they are considered normal. Take a deep breath, summon all your strength and set your own framework. What a sense of wonder and empowerment awaits!

all the best,

Catie

© Copyright 1999 WomanLinks.com

About the Author : Catie Hayes is founder/editor of WomanLinks.com; a community of support, spirituality, growth and empowerment for women. She is a freelance writer, the single homeschooling mom of two, and an avid fan of laughter, spontaneous dancing, cats and chocolate (not necessarily in that order).