Life for me has always been like a rollercoaster.
Up and down, with a turn here and there.
Right now I'm turned upsidedown, and I'm feeling sick to my stomach.
Confusion, insecurity.
Love mixed with intended hate.
When the ride ends, what then?
Is there a light at the end of the tunnel?
Once I thought I saw it, the light, that is.
It was brighter than the sun, and it made me happy.
But loving a man has made me blind.
I can't see the light or anything else, and it makes me vulnerable.
Is the sun still there?
Does God still care?
I am nauseous.
I feel weak.

Where are you, God?
Will you stop me from spinning as you have before?
Or will I keep going until the rides over, and I can't live anymore?
Where's my angel?
Is he my love...
The one who hurts me and crushes my heart.
"Life is a dream and heaven's reality."
What a nightmare.
A dream with too many plot twists and too much unrequited love.
Where is heaven?
Where's the light?
I hate this dream.
Wake me up, oh Lord, unblind my eyes.
Take this love from me.
I want to see, I need to see.
I crave air and I need light.
Oh please, God, take from me my life.

Copyright 1999
Renee Beanblossom