This time of year, it's almost impossible to avoid the trap of perfection. We are bombarded with messages to find the perfect gift, create the perfect holiday, have the perfect family and so on. The weeks leading up to the holidays have been reduced to a crazed race to obtain the impossible. None of us can do it, but we spend a huge of energy and money trying. Small wonder many of us are left feeling more than a little deflated, emotionally and financially.

In our desperation to create a Norman Rockwell moment, we overlook the basic fact that perfection has nothing to do with real life or happiness. The notion of the perfect family or the perfect life is nothing more than a fairy tale. Despite promises to the contrary, the latest electronics, a diamond pendant or even a gift card to the trendiest boutique will not create contentment.  Don't get me wrong, I'd love a cashmere sweater as much as the next woman, but it will do nothing to change my daily reality.

Holiday season or not, when we pretend to be perfect people living perfect lives, we set ourselves up for emptiness. By focusing entirely on the unobtainable, we inevitably lose.

Contentment has a way of hiding in small, and even mundane, moments. For me, it's

• hearing the furnace kick on and appreciating the warmth.
• having a sister that can reduce me to fits of laughter and knowing she's always a phone call away.
• overhearing my oldest instruct his brother on the finer points of cooking oatmeal and feeling grateful they will always have each other.
• being approached with a story that starts 'Mom, remember when you and I ....' and realizing I have given my kids loving memories even if I couldn't give them a "perfect" family or an affluent lifestyle.
• sitting down to an uninterrupted cup of Earl Grey tea and relishing a minute of peace.
• waking to the frantic purring of a cat and appreciating the gift of unconditional love.

When we stop pursuing unobtainable fairy tales, we are free to fully enjoy what actually happens in the small moments of our lives. The truth of the matter is that in real life, the fairy tale of perfection we're taught to chase resembles the Brothers Grimm more closely than Disney's version.  Life is a messy business on the best of days and more often than not, we're left to slay our own dragons.

We hold ourselves hostage by believing we'll finally be happy when we get a better job, buy a bigger house, find that perfect someone, loose that weight, etc.

Happiness has nothing to do with obtaining anything and everything to do with how you get there.

About the Author : Catie Hayes is founder/editor of WomanLinks.com; a community of support, spirituality, growth and empowerment for women. She is a freelance writer, the single homeschooling mom of two, and an avid fan of laughter, spontaneous dancing, cats and chocolate (not necessarily in that order).