"What stops you?" This is a valuable question to ask yourself and to ask others.

"What stops you from doing more for others?" If the answer is that you are already at your limits of resources of time, money, and energy, that means you are willing to do more as soon as you have greater resources. If, however, the answer is laziness, a need for comfort, selfishness, not caring enough about others, or not even thinking about the issue, you will now have a sense of direction for what you need to do to become more of a giver. When you ask this of yourself, you might prefer the wording, "What stops me from doing more?"

"What stops you?" Pose this question to others who would like to do more than they are presently doing in any area of their lives. There might be major obstacles that are blocking them from doing more or there might be minor obstacles. Being clear about the exact nature of the obstacles is a major step in overcoming them. Often, people don’t think about the exact nature of what stops them. They just know that they don’t, won’t, or can’t do something. Now that they think about the specifics of what stops them they will find it easier to find ways around, over, and under those obstacles.

If a person is stopped from doing positive things because of a lack of knowledge and information, help them get that information. You might have that information yourself. If not, you might know who can be consulted. You might know of books or pamphlets that supply the necessary information, or you can suggest ways to acquire those books.

If a person is stopped because of fear or anxiety, you might be able to alleviate that fear by showing the person that things will be much easier than he thinks. You might have had the same types of fears and overcame them. You might be able to give the person so much encouragement that he now will have the confidence and courage to do what he was hesitant to do before. Ask him how he overcame past fears. Ask him about times he was afraid to try something and when he actually tried to do it the fears vanished. Asked him how he coped with difficulties in the past. Show him that he will benefit so much with what you are suggesting that it’s worthwhile facing those fears head on and not let them get in the way.

If a person is stopped from doing more for others because of self-centeredness, explain how the good that one does for others is the greatest good that one can do for oneself.

A student told the author the following story:

I wanted to continue my studies but because of financial pressures I felt unable to. A friend of mine tried to convince me that it would be in my best interests to start a study program. To me this seemed overwhelming and I meekly responded with an, "I can’t."

"What stops you?" my friend asked me. I told him a number of reasons. Once he heard the specific objections, he showed me how I could overcome each obstacle.

This general pattern of calmly finding the objections and dealing with them has made his life immensely successful. I am just one of the many people whose lives he has helped make more meaningful.

From "Kindness: Changing People's Lives for the Better" By Zelig Pliskin
Printed with Permission of Shaar Press