My husband and I are working on 12 years of marriage. We have relocated several times for jobs, but are finally settled down (we hope!). My mother-in-law says we are keeping her grandchildren from her by taking this job and moving where we are. We live nine hours away from his parents, which is closer than we’ve been in years.

Last year because we were unemployed we went to their house for Christmas. This year, now that things are financially mended, we are hosting the Christmas shindigs. The family will be here Christmas Eve and Christmas night, and I planned on taking care of everything as hostess.

My mother-in-law told me she is bringing Christmas dinner. Then a couple of days later she said she is going to bring the meal for Christmas Eve as well. Now, I am in no way incapacitated, ill, unable, or unwilling to cook. I had reserved a prime rib and a ham and planned on all the fixings to go with them. Now both will go unused, so she can bring lasagna and a small pork loin roll.

That’s not enough to feed everyone. My husband says let her, but I don’t feel it’s right. As a hostess I feel insulted. As a daughter-in-law I feel encroached upon. I don’t want to set a precedent for future holidays or visits. I also don’t want to offend her. Is she being helpful or overbearing? And how do I tactfully discuss this with her so as not to make matters worse?

Sara