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Sunday, 26 November 2006
Relationships
I read that the most common topic you are contacted about is cheating. My wife and I have been married nearly 15 years, and I am not in the least concerned about cheating. I know neither of us would ever have an affair.
I am very concerned though that we aren’t as close as husband and wife as we should be, or as I would like us to be. Although we talk during the day, our conversations are superficial, and we rarely discuss goals, thoughts, and feelings. At times we seem more like siblings or roommates than spouses.
What do you suggest to help us become each other’s “other half,” as described in one of your articles?
Joseph
Joseph, we recently heard a story about Georges Perrier, perhaps the most celebrated French chef in America. Perrier was asked why he freely gives out recipes to his dishes. He answered the question with a question of his own. If you went to Picasso and asked him how to paint Guernica --and he told you--do you think you could then go paint it?
Georges Perrier knows the magic of his fare lies elsewhere. It is the same with relationships. For decades professionals have taught that relationships are a matter of mastering a set of skills. It’s like learning how to drive a car. Any two people can have a great relationship, if they’ve mastered the skills.
But if the driver’s education model of relationships is true, then you could make anyone your best friend or spouse. Many people get married for no stronger reason than that one of them is male and the other female. The divorce rate proves that is not a good enough reason to marry. You cannot manipulate or cheat genuine love into existence.
The starting point for you and your wife is to figure out how you got together. What caused the wedding, and what are your feelings about one another right now? That’s where you must begin as you decide where to go from here. Be absolutely honest, because a missing ingredient cannot be added to a finished dish.
Wayne & Tamara
About the Author : Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at http://www.wayneandtamara.com/ Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email:
Joseph, we recently heard a story about Georges Perrier, perhaps the most celebrated French chef in America. Perrier was asked why he freely gives out recipes to his dishes. He answered the question with a question of his own. If you went to Picasso and asked him how to paint Guernica --and he told you--do you think you could then go paint it?