Soapbox

In everyone's life, there are profound moments that remain in the heart through the years. Often we don't recognize a pivotal event without the benefit of hindsight. Sometimes, though, it resonates within our very core.

Soapbox

In everyone's life, there are profound moments that remain in the heart through the years. Often we don't recognize a pivotal event without the benefit of hindsight. Sometimes, though, it resonates within our very core.

I remember meeting my friend Julie for the first time in the library when I was doing story hour for young kids. I thought she was just about one of the coolest moms I had ever met with an incredible sense of humor. I didn't realize at the time, but that meeting was pivotal in my decision to adopt a totally new lifestyle for my family by homeschooling. To this day, she remains a steady reminder that good parenting comes from the heart, and not what society tells us we should do with our kids.

This past weekend, I had an experience that I know, as clearly as I know my own name, will stay with me for years. My friends and I have been talking for a few months about getting some body art done; two wanted naval piercings and I wanted a tattoo on the small of my back. Well, this weekend, we all did it together.

What stays with me is not that we did something out of the ordinary for mild-mannered suburban moms, but the how of it. It wasn't to shock or impress anyone; it was a choice for ourselves. While Lisa and Christie had their piercings done, Julie stayed with me for the tattooing. It was right up there with childbirth as far as intensity, but she calmly reminded me to breath through it, take breaks for water and keep focused. Her presence, even when my mind felt enclosed in fog, was grounding. Towards the end, Lisa and Christie came into the room. I was vaguely aware of them, but I knew they were watching out for me.

Afterwards, I was shaking like a leaf with adrenaline. They shuttled me into the car to get some lunch and unwind a bit. By the time we finished, it was time to remove my bandage. I had everything I needed, but we were in a very public place. Like groups of women typically do when a problem occurs, they rallied. Christie got my bag, Julie held my stuff and Lisa helped me with the bandage and cleaning in the restroom. It really didn't matter that people were going in an out, or that my clothes were all over the place, or that this was not done in the privacy of my own home. I needed some care I couldn't give myself at the moment and they were there. Despite the fogginess of my thinking at the time, I felt encircled by light. Nothing mattered except that I had been through something very difficult and it was clear I had not been alone for one minute.

The similarities between that moment and the past year in my life blow me away. I am surviving one of the most life-altering times I have ever known by setting out with my kids by myself. Despite my upbringing to tough it out alone, I have not had to do that. My friends have been a constant harbor for me. For me, the weekend was not about body art or doing something out of the ordinary. Choosing not to live like an island, while simultaneously embracing my own strength, was driven home with every line of ink.

It was a powerfully delivered lesson, and I'll carry it with me for years.

Copyright 2003 WomanLinks.com

About the Author : Catie Hayes is founder/editor of WomanLinks.com. She is a freelance writer, a single homeschooling mom of two, and an avid fan of laughter, cats and chocolate (not necessarily in that order).